Hey Y’all! Once again, I’m sharing my space here on the internet with an anonymous poster. Share some love with our guest!
————————————————-
On Adventurousness
My life feels very old and stale lately. I find I’ve been craving some sort of drastic change – moving across town, moving across the country, getting a new pet, buying a house, quitting my job and trying a different field, picking up a crazy new hobby (sky-diving, anyone?), volunteering, taking a trip to an exotic place. Currently, my life feels very staid – the same job each day, the same food for dinner, the same hobbies, the same weekend routine. It’s become so normal that even the occasional mini-break, like dinner out or a pedicure, can’t seem to uplift me anymore.
I’m finding that even time with friends is boring. We all do the same stuff together that we’ve been doing for years, no one new has joined the group, no one’s relationship status has changed, and still no one is willing to spend more than $15 for a meal or activity. The same suggestions are thrown around each time we meet, and it can be impossible to suggest new things sometimes because of our disparate interests and incomes. I used to find comfort and fun in the sameness, but now it’s getting old.
But at the same time that I write this post, I find it very hard to pinpoint what will make me feel less bored. I find a lot of doubt where I think I should be finding interest. Would sky-diving or learning Chinese really enrich my life? Would a trip to the South Pacific really leave me feeling lasting invigoration? Would I find a move to be fun, exciting and fresh – or just stressful and a hassle? Or am I just stalling because I’m afraid to pick something and set out on the adventure?
My husband, family and friends are of little help in this endeavor. I’ve asked them all for ideas of new things, and I’ve been met with nothing more than shrugs and “It’s up to you” like menial comments. And while I understand their reluctance to attempt to provide me with more meaning in my life (what happens if they fail/are wrong?), I’m also wondering why it is that the people who you would think should know me best can’t make a single helpful suggestion. My husband is the worst one of all, which is awful because he’s the most important. Any major change would have to involve him as well, and he’s just less easily bored than I am – making it hard to get him to solidly agree to any path that we could do together.
I am a person who loves to mull things over. I’ve been thinking about this for a while, making small actions. I’ve picked up a couple of hobbies. I’ve started planning trips, organizing money, thinking about further things to do. Everything is slowly bubbling to the top. I just also sort of wish I had more support. A friend to do things with, or the ability to get my husband more involved. But I’m hopeful. We’ll see what happens.
Andrea Unplugged 
I get this kind of apathy once in a while. I think sometimes charity or some kind of cause can be a great kick in the butt for First World Angst (which it sounds like is what you have, and I say that without any kind of snarky undertone, believe me). Some philosopher – Aristotle? – pointed out that you cannot feel pleasure without pain to contrast the pleasure against. Some (maladjusted) people, I think, create personal drama in order to manufacture pain, to give themselves these false up and downs. I think better adjusted people, like this post makes you sound, instead just feel a sense of something being wrong, that something needs to change, but don’t know what it is. So maybe exposing oneself to other people’s pain, and then doing something to alleviate it, is a good path to feeling less in a rut? Of course, you may have plenty of personal pain, and this comment could be totally weird and inappropriate. I just know that on the very rare occasion that I decide to make time for a personal quest (for example, once years ago I organized a blood drive), it made me feel Right With The World, in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. Gave me a sense of urgency that I was lacking. Anyway. Just an idea.
Ugh. I hate that feeling of being in a rut. It’s AWFUL. I’m really glad you are taking measures to shake things up… but I agree that it’s extra hard when you don’t have someone willing to shake things up with you.
You didn’t ask for advice, but I’d like the second ABS’s comment above that doing some sort of charity or volunteer work can be a great way to get a mental and emotional boost. One of my favorite things to do around the holidays is to find places that are collecting food or presents and help with the sorting process. It’s not hard work, so it leaves your brain free to roam, and it’s not something you really need a friend to do with you (although it’s fun with a friend), and you end up feeling good about what you’re doing and thankful for the gifts in your own life.
A lot of cities also offer weekend tutoring programs. That can be a great way to “give back” – and it usually requires more listening than actual tutoring.
Whatever you choose, be comforted in knowing that ruts are terrible and can last a while, but they aren’t infinite. You’ll get out of it, I have faith!
Are there groups you could join to make new friends who want to do different things? You don’t have to give up the old friends, just find new adventurous ones.
Being stuck in a rut sucks.
So, you mentioned getting a pet, and that’s totally not something to do “just because,” but if you’re serious, look into greyhounds. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my dog, and greyhound people DO things together. Weekend walks, backyard play dates, etc.
Seriously, they’re awesome dogs, and maybe you could meet some new people at the same time.
Also, depending on where you live, you might try meetup.com.
Good luck!
I’m like your husband – not easily bored with my life. I really, really hope MY husband doesn’t feel like this at some point, because I’ll also be no help.
I go nuts every once in a while and quit my job or do something else semi-drastic. Change is good. That’s how I ended up on the other end of the country.
I sometimes feel stifled, but I’m lucky that my husband does too–that’s how we end up with cross country moves and going back to school and, and, and. I hope you find just the thing to tingle your nose. Good luck!
I wish I had the magic answer for you. The only thing I can think is “just do it”. If there is something that you know will make you happy, just take whatever steps you need to do it. Plan a trip somewhere on your own and go. Or maybe if you want to start smaller, look for groupons for discounted different things to try and just go alone. At first going alone might seem weird at first, but then you might find yourself among a new set of friends. 🙂 Good luck!
I like andreaunplugged’s idea of going out alone. Try different restaurants, movies, outdoorsy (indoorsy) things you’ve never tried before. Look up meetup.com groups in your area to find people with similar interests. If you live in a bigger area, the meetup groups are plentiful. I joined a book club and met several people I liked. Our paths never would’ve crossed without that common interest. Good luck getting out of your rut!